Celebrating Love

I am the first person to admit that I’m not much into the Valentine’s Day marketing scheme of things. After all, this day is set aside for people to express an emotion that should be expressed 365 (366 during leap year). At 36, I have never received anything for Valentine’s Day on my job. Never one to envy the blessings of others, I simply appreciated the beauty of the gifts received by others. I always thought that receiving something at my place of employment would receive a non-emotional response from me. However, I must admit that I was proven wrong on today. Let me set the stage first. I recently began dating a wonderful man, and through him, I’m constantly reminded that chivalry is definitely not dead. During the past two weeks, we’ve spoken about going out to dinner on this “special” day and that was the just of it. Imagine my surprise and overwhelming joy upon receiving the most beautiful flowers along with the cutest teddy bear and sentimental card that moved me to emotions. The greatest realization for me was that this man, this wonderful Godly man listens. Not only does he listen, but he has made it his mission to prove that love can be like what we see on television and what we read in the books: breathtaking, poignant and magical. I don’t think I will ever look at Valentine’s Day the same all because of one romantic gesture that captivated my thinking. I wish each of you a romantic fun-filled day with those you love. Be blessed!!

The Apple and the Tree

Many of us have heard the saying “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. As an educator, I find myself speaking these words more often than not. Why are children disrespectful? Why do our children lack goals? Why are our children loosing out on life? Simply put: the apple and the tree. Whether we realize it or not, a child grows up to mimic their parent in their behavior and goals. The behavior of my students sometimes baffles me….until I meet the parent. At that point, things become clear to me. The student is only displaying behavior that has been reinforced at home. As I ponder over my childhood, I recall my mother saying to me on several occasions, “Don’t do as I do; do as I say.” While I love my mother dearly, she couldn’t have been more wrong than those times she spoke those words to me. Parents should also keep in mind that children are watching for behavior to mimic. If, responding to a call from a bill collector, you tell your children to tell the caller that you’re not home, you are teaching your child to lie. If you speak profanity, you are teaching your children to speak in the same manner. Parents must constantly display behavior that contributes to the healthy growth of their children. Parents must also remember their life is an unending movie constantly being viewed by their children. What will one say about the legacy you leave through your children? Parents, wise up….shape up….live up!!!

Michelle & Obama: The Beauty of Black Love

Like most Americans, I found myself consumed with the most recent Presidential election. From the day Obama publicly announced his intent to run for the highest office in America, I had a sense that our country would never be the same again. In droves, I watched as young adults engaged in the political process, as decedents of slaves found a sense of renewed belief in the American Dream, and as Americans of all ethnicities, economic and social backgrounds put aside historical differences to elect the first African-American president. The entire process was simply mind-boggling. However, as I pondered over the events of the past year in anticipation of Obama’s Inauguration, probably the greatest gift of the past year was the opportunity for America to see the “Beauty of Black Love”. Anyone who has read the story of Michelle and Obama know their journey was not easy. However, through trials and tribulations, the two remained steadfast. So, to those of you who say there aren’t any good black men left or any good black women left, I say this to you: Michelle and Obama. For those of us who find ourselves disappointed by the games and disappointments of dating, I say this to you: Michelle and Obama. Be patient and of good cheer for in due time your season is coming. For each of us, there is a Michelle or an Obama. However, you must ask yourself this: Are you willing to do the work to harvest the benefits of your labor?

Love Addict

As I was reflecting over the past few years, I came to the realization that I’m an addict….Love is my addiction. With my share of crazy relationships in the past few years, dating has been crazy for me to say the least bit. While I found myself on several dates, they were primarily one time dates that didn’t develop into anything lasting. However, there was one who got under my skin. After several attempts to make that one something lasting, the flame flickered and soon was no more before 2008 came to an end. I resolved that it too was not meant to be. One day while pondering my debacle love life, I entered into deep thought. I simply closed my eyes, and when opened, I positioned myself in front of my computer and created “Toni’s 2009 Love Rules”:

Rule #1: Know yourself. How can you meet your perfect mate if you are still searching to “find” yourself? If you do not know yourself, you will find yourself altering who you are to satisfy someone else.

Rule #2: Have guidelines. Since childhood, many of us can identify things we like and dislike without thinking twice. For me, I need mustard and mayo on my hamburger or extra peanut butter on my sandwich to be completely satisfied. Without being too anal, we should know what we are seeking in a mate as well (tall, dark and handsome will not get it done ladies). Society should not dictate these desires. Society gives us an image and in many instances, we pass Mr. Right on our way to a head-on crash with Mr. Wrong.

Rule #3: Wanted: Chemistry (all others need not apply). Don’t fool yourself…a relationship without chemistry is like a fire without a flame. For most, chemistry comes from the first conversation or the first meeting. That annoying feeling that keeps telling you “he/she is not the one” is your gut instant….listen to it; follow it. Everyone is not meant to be your mate.

Rule #4: Be patient. Are we sometimes so desperate for love that we are willing to settle for someone who does not fulfill our dreams and/or someone we know is wrong, but we want to give them a chance anyway? YES WE ARE. We find ourselves having to recoup from a disastrous relationship we could have otherwise prevented if we had only practiced patience. Know that your season is coming in due time (For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven….Ecclesiastes 3:1). Until that time, focus your attention on other things. Get involved in extracurricular activities, hang out with your girls/boys, or read a good book. Like most things, love will happen when you least expect it. If you’re one of those fortunate individuals who has found love already, cherish it. Like a plant, it needs to be nurtured to grow. Understand perfection is not a human characteristic. Find strength for your trials and have hope for your future. Most of all…enjoy the moment. Be Blessed.

Updating My Contact List

I was simply amazed at the number of contacts listed in my cell phone. As I began to scroll down the list, I realized there were many names that I didn't recognize right off. My curiousity got the best of me as I began to contact those individuals who I could not remember. Have you ever heard the saying, "let sleeping dogs lie?" Well, I wish I had done just that. As a result of that, I have created some pointers for updating your cell contast list.


1. Try to minimize the number of contacts you list.
2. Periodically update your list. Many individuals do not take the time to complete the task. Try to update your list on a monthly basis. Aside from family and business contacts, try deleting those names.
3. Only have one name for each person. If your contact has additional numbers, read your manual to learn how to add additional numbers under the primary contact.
4. Before deleting contact numbers, write them down or sync your phone to your PC in case you need to retrieve numbers later down the line.
5. Everyone you meet should not become a contact. Try adding someone as a contact after you and that person have established a line of communication with a possible life span.

There are many others I could list, however it is only my goal to provide you with a few suggestions.

As always, peace and blessings to you and your family.